Crate & Burial

This is just a simple story about cute kid phrases that have stuck with us even as the kids have grown older.  Last night we went to "Crate & Burial" to look at appetizer plates that Dana was looking at for a party she is hosting on Friday.  Most of you probably know this store as "Crate & Barrel", however when Delaney was four years old, she would call the store "Crate & Burial"  No matter how many times we  told her the correct name, or had her say it slowly and carefully, pronouncing all the words, she would always return to "Crate & Burial"

So for our family, we still go shopping at "Crate & Burial" all these years later.

Draw Something with a 9-year old

I am playing Draw Something with my 9-year-old daughter.  For those of you who do not know what Draw Something is, it is a game similar to Pictionary that you can play with your friends on an iPod or Smart Phone.  Her friends told her about it and then she started playing with random people online and me being the paranoid dad said, "why don't you play with me instead of people you do not know."  So, this is how I came to be playing Draw Something.  I do not consider myself an exceptionally good artist, but I do pretty good for this game.  Of course, we all think our drawings are good when we know the word, but have no idea what a person is trying to draw when we do not know the word.

Anyway, I am wandering.  Delaney chose a category "Rock & Roll" and then drew a picture of the word.  On the receiving end, it displayed the category to give me a hint.  I was ready.  The drawing began with what I thought was a guitar, which made prefect sense to me, being that it was Rock & Roll.  There was a kinda of curved rectangular shape with a circle in the middle and what looked like two dots of some kind.  Now, for those of you that have not played this game, the guesser is presented with about 12 letters and the numbers of letters in the word.  Kind of like a cross between hangman and the word jumble, with a picture for a clue.  Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just confuses.  So my first problem was there was no "G", so guitar was out.  I started to think of any six letter word that I could create with the letters available, but either it was a word and the picture didn't seem to connect, or I couldn't think of a word that related to Rock & Roll.

After a certain number of guesses, the game takes away a number of letters available to help narrow down you guesses.  At this point, I saw the word "Poison".  You know, Bret Michaels, big hair, glam metal, "Every Rose Has A Thorn".  Delaney had drawn a poison bottle with a skull and crossbones symbol, not a guitar.

Once again, the game may be played by all ages, but different words and categories have different meanings to different ages and generations.

Gambling lesson gone bad

My father passed away almost two years ago. As the Personal Representative for his estate, we spent a lot of time going back and forth to Brookings, OR where he lived. During the summer when the kids were out of school, we spent a lot of time driving to and from Brookings with the kids in the back seat. From Portland to Brookings is a seven hour drive, no matter which way you go. We have tried various routes, going down to interstate, cutting across various highways that all seem to end up two lanes and winding, as well as going south along the coast. The coast is scenic, but not the fastest route.

Anyway, regardless of the route, about the halfway point we will stop at one of the Indian Casinos for a break, get out of the car, stretch our legs, and the highlight for the kids is to eat at the buffet. It also prevents the number of times we hear, “are we almost there yet?” from the backseat. I think all kids like buffets because there are so many choices of food, if you choose badly, your parents don’t make you eat it and you get to go back for something that tastes better, and all buffets have good desserts. So, on one of these trips, as we were eating dinner at the Three Rivers buffet, Andrew asked me what Keno was? The big Keno boards are displayed in the restaurant and Keno runners walk around the table in case anyone wants to play Keno while they dine, so he was wondering what Keno was. As a parent, I seized the opportunity as a teaching moment to demonstrate that gambling was a vice and that hard work and diligence are virtues to work towards, not the allure of gambling and easy money. The game instructions were on the table and the kids could figure out if they had won or lost.

A quick aside for those who do not know how to play Keno. A player chooses 20 out of the 80 numbers. The Casino draws 20 numbers at random and depending on how many numbers you match, you will win more or less amounts of money. Of course, you will lose your money if you match 4, 5, or 6 numbers.

So, there are four in our family, and if I had let the kids choose 20 numbers we would probably still be sitting at that table as Andrew agonized over which ones were his lucky numbers, so we just divided the numbers into four groups. Delaney got 1-20, Andrew chose 21-40, I picked 41-60, and we let Dana have the remaining numbers 61-80. When the first game started, all eating at the tables ceased and the kids watched the numbers on the board, crying out with delight when it was one of their numbers. When all the numbers had been drawn, Andrew and Delaney would look in the pamphlet on the table and announce their results. As you would expect, most of the time, the result was they lost their money.

Yet, the power of gambling and allure of big money brought the cries that if they could just pick their own numbers and play for real, then they would surely win millions before we had finished our dessert. So, I made them a deal. They would bet five dollars per game and if they won, I would pay them and if they lost, they owed my $5.00. They quickly agreed and Delaney emphatically announced at the end of the first game that “there was no way she was going to walk home to get me $5”. I explained that we would write it down and keep a record, and she would not have to pay me until we were home again. After seven or eight games of Keno, I think each of the kids owed my $30 and I was able to clearly show that gambling was a vice to avoid in life and felt like such a brilliant parent for taking advantage of this learning moment.

We continued eating dinner, as Andrew made a third trip to the taco bar and I gorged myself on shrimp. As we were eating dessert, all of a sudden, Delaney screams, “you owe me $500 dollars!” I had moved on from Keno, but she had continued to watch each game. Well, in this game, she had actually done so poorly, matching only one number, that she would have won $500. Then came the explanation that we really were not playing with actual money and that I was just trying to show that gambling was not a good way to spend your money and this was a lesson to learn from.

A couple days later, we had Dana’s parents over for a BBQ and her dad asked the kids how the trip was? The first words out of Delaney’s mouth was, “We played Keno and dad won’t give me my $500!”

My good intentions and a life-long lesson were trumped by a pretend winning Keno ticket.

Normal Routine Again

So, for our entire marriage, I have worked in an office and Dana has been the one at home taking care of children and/or working from home.  In the past few months, I have been working on a contract and telecommuting from home.  I am helping design a Sharepoint web page and can do everything remotely.  Every now and then I have meetings that i need to attend at the office or on the phone, but I am working from home 90% of the time.

Now, please, don't get me wrong.  I have listened to Dana and for most of the time, I have taken a week off between Christmas and New Years which is the heart of Christmas break from school.  Christmas Break is always fun and we do things with the kids that range anywhere from movies or bowling, to driving to see Christmas lights or Zoo Lights, to just wandering the malls.  One year we surprised them and spent one day at a water park all day.  I think I still have the echoes of Delaney's high pitched shrieks as she went down the watersides ranging in my ears.  However, after staying home for the entire break this year and trying to work from home during the break, I can finally understand the relief, joy, whatever you want to call it of having the kids go back to school this week.  Yeah!!!

We have gotten back in to the routine of daily life.  We get up, make lunches for school, shower, feed the kids breakfast, sprint up the hill with Delaney to catch the 7:32am bus ride to school, and by 8:30 when Andrew is on his way, calm falls over the house.  I have learned that the dog sleeps on Delaney's bed for about two hours each morning before coming out to the kitchen to be with me.  I have also learned the number of telemarketer calls that occur each day.  I get work done more quickly, and more of it done, too.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with all of you who already knew, us parents enjoy the first days after Christmas vacation almost as much as Christmas itself.  And, I am going to have to find an office job when summer vacation starts.

The 20-Game NBA Season

This is my annual post on why the NBA season should only be 20 games.  Nothing about cute kids, my wife, or my mortgage today, but it is more something fun for me.

The NFL is popular because most males play football growing up and understand the rules and enjoy watching. The unspoken popularity is the gambling, office pools, fantasy football (which is really gambling in a different form), etc. I think the other aspect that enhances the gambling opportunities is simply that the games are played once a week as a general rule, on a regular schedule. Also, a team can lose a few games without being eliminated from a championship. but at the same time, there are few enough games that each game does matter. I guess that is where I am going with this, that other major sports could learn a lesson from this strategy as well.

Baseball is talking about adding another two teams to their playoffs because more fans will be excited about post season play and more fans will attend late season games, making more money. This argument is false. Just look at the NBA.

At this point, most of the NBA teams have played 20 games, or 25% of their season is complete. Today, we already know who will make the playoffs and the remaining 60 games are for owners to make money to pay outrageous player salaries and give me more opportunities for fans and dads taking their kids to games to pay $6 for a hot dog and $9 for a beer and $5 for cotton candy, etc.  For my family to go to an NBA game, it is between $200 - $300 dollars for tickets, parking, and popcorn and a drink.  If we bought any souvenirs, add another $50 minimum.  Or, I could buy buy the kids an iPad for the same price.

Additionally, it doesn't help when only 9 teams win the championship in the last 32 years. It drops to just 7 teams when you take out one-year champions, Philadelphia and Dallas. Only 8 other teams have been to the finals and lost.  Put another way, only 23% of teams have ever won a championship, and almost 50% of the teams in the league have never played for a championship in 32 years.  In the same thirty 32 time period, 14 different teams (43%) have won the Super Bowl and only 4 teams (12%) have never been to the Super Bowl.  From a fan perspective, on opening day, only 1 in 4 NBA fans believe their team can win the championship while each year in the NFL brings new hope. Some of the NBA fans are just hoping to win one series in the playoffs for it to be a really good year before they get beat by the Lakers or the Celtics.

I do not watch games on TV because the schedule is so erratic. My favorite team might play five games in one week and two games the next, and not even on the same day of the week. I do not even know which games will be televised. However, with football, I know that my team will be on TV every Sunday. It is either the early or the late game, but Sunday afternoon, I can watch football with my friends and root for my favorite team. Owners could make more money by having fewer games that were more meaningful in deciding the league champion. The TV and radio broadcast rights could be sold for more money if more viewers watched. More viewers would watch and more fans would attend if there were fewer games and the schedule was played at the same time each week. Games could be played on Wednesday and Saturday. The NFL plays a schedule where not every team plays all the other teams and that has not dampened enthusiasm for their sport. Why does the NBA insist on having every team play every other team, both home and away?

So, without further ado, we will write down the eight teams from each division that will begin playing the real NBA season starting in April and ending in June. Check back in April to see how meaningful the remaining 60 games were.

Eastern Conference                Western Conference
1. New York                             1. Oklahoma City
2. Miami                                    2. San Antonio
3. Atlanta                                  3. Los Angeles Clippers
4. Chicago                               4. Golden State
5. Brooklyn                              5. Memphis
6. Boston                                 6. Utah
7. Milwaukee                             7. Minnesota
8. Philadelphia                         8. Los Angeles Lakers *

You will notice that the 8th playoff spot in the west is is the Los Angeles Lakers, because although they are the ninth place team by two games, I am a believer in the league-referee conspiracy that says you always need to favor the Lakers in order to insure high TV ratings.  Looking at the standings, really, the top four or five teams are really the only ones with a chance.  Te rest are playing to see who gets beat in the first round of the playoffs that no one will watch anyway.

April 19th UPDATE:  The playoffs start tonight in the NBA. 

In the Western Conference, we got 7 out of 8 teams correct.  We were unable to predict the 15 game Denver Nugget winning streak where they only lost one game in March, and the injury to Kevin Love of the Minnesota Timberwolves which damaged their chance at getting bloewn out in the first round of the playoffs.

In the Eastern Conference, we got 7 out of 8 teams correct. also.  Indiana finished in third place.  At the 20-game mark the Pacers had 10 wins and 10 losses.  The remainder of the season they won twice as many games as they lost.

Funny things kids say

Andrew's birthday this year was on Mothers' Day. Not close, a few days before or after, but the same day. He is 12 now, so he has figured out that Mothers' Day does win out.
Anyway, we told him he could have a half birthday party instead in November. That was fine with him and as the big day approached, we decided to have his friends over for BBQ hamburgers and watch a movie. Hungry, bottomless pit 12 year old boys and hamburgers. We figured we could do the toppings bar and had ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles (sweet and dill), lettuce tomato, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, and cheese. We bought a package of Kraft singles and laid it out next to all the other toppings.

So, the point of these post was when one of Andrew's friend saw the spread on the table with all the toppings before him, he said, "Is that the fake cheese that isn't cheese but tastes really good! That's awesome! We never have that at home!"

Kids do say the funniest thing...

Three Weeks Before Christmas

This is a late post, but I wanted to still put it out there...

It is roughly three weeks before Christmas, and I'm sure I am not alone, but there was something about the buying frenzy of Christmas that bothered me this year. I sound like Charlie Brown, I know, but it is just some little things that have happened recently that seemed to have snowballed.

It starts with Black Friday and then gets worse from there.  It is the desperation of the retailers, being swooped down upon by salespeople pleading to help you to make sure you spend some money in their store before you leave. And Black Friday has turned into who can advertise the most ridiculous low camera, flat screen TV, or other electronic device to lure you to their store. Not to mention stores are open on Thanksgiving Day. Anyway, Black Friday seems more like an excuse to buy yourself a present than to buy a present for someone on your list.

Next comes the game of "retail chicken". If a buy something the first week of December, I know that the next weekend it will be cheaper. However, the size medium sweater that my wife loved will be gone and now my only choice is XS of XX L. She will either think I have cheerleader fantasies or think she is fat. Not good for me either way.

And even when you do play the retailer's game, you can still lose. This year Santa was going to bring Bean Bag chairs for the kids. We ordered them on the Monday after Thanksgiving. In hip Christmas lingo, "Cyber Minday". We received one bean bag chair two weeks later. The other one, not so lucky. Two days after we ordered it, we were told it was on back order. When the first one arrived, we called to check on the second Bean bag chair and were told that it had been delayed because of the longshoreman strike on the west coast, but it would make it for Christmas. December 18th came and Santa still only had one bean bag chair. We called again, and were told that it would ship on Christmas Day. Santa plan B was activated, even though we did what the retailers say, order early to avoid the rush. We actually called the say after Christmas because we had not received notice the bean bag chair had shipped and were told that the color we had chosen was out of stock, permanently, and had been out of stock since December 18th. Arghhhhhh!!!!!

Eventually we did get the second bean bag chair on New Year's Eve, in a different color. I know this has happened to everyone, but like I said Christmas shopping has turned into buying something the retailer has discounted because it is a good deal, and not buying a gift that your family or friends want or shows you were thinking of them.

My favorite gift this year was a board my brother and I played when we were younger. He found it at Goodwill for $3.40. Yes, the decimal point is in the right spot.

Kraft Macaroni & Cheese should only be re-heated once

Alright.  It is a new year and I am really, really going to write something every day in this blog.  It might be a simple statement, such as the title above, or it might be a a story or incident about something happening in my life or the kids or my wife, or the mortgage.  Anyway, something every day is the goal for the new year.

For those of you who are new to my blog, this is my blog.  Yes, I have heard the story of the lady who started the blog about Julia Child and then sold her blog for a screenplay and movie, I have friends who are professional bloggers, guest bloggers, and sell their blog posts to other blogs, but as for me, this is my blog.  It is a simple story of my life with a wife, 2 kids, and a mortgage (I should include the dog too I guess but then the title was too long and not everyone is a dog person).  I do not have any followers that I know of,nor am I trying to collect the most followers of all the blogs in the world, but if you read one of my posts and you find it funny or touching or something you can identify with, make a comment and let me know we have something in common.

So, my wise words for January 1, 2013, Kraft Macaroni & Cheese should be eaten when you make it.  Leftover Kraft Macaroni & Cheese should be re-heated only once, on a stove top, and if there are leftovers after that, throw them away.  Any remaining leftovers will not taste good, no matter what you do.  Just throw it away, save the time, and if you want more, make another box.  It will taste much better!